Happy Mondays!

I woke up motivated and ready to work this morning! I don’t know what it was, but I woke up happy as well!

What excited me more was when I received a phone call from the dance studio I’m training at and they said I didn’t need to come in to train today. Not until either Wednesday or Thursday. Now, I love ballroom dancing and all, but sometimes I just need a break to do my own things.

So having today off was a nice surprise! I ran errands, treated myself to some slight debit card swiping, grocery shopping, laundry folding, and it was lovely. I had fun! I even bought some flowers!

I think this week is going to be awesome! I believe, how you start your week can affect how it ends, at least for me. If I start out the week out moody, then the end of my week normally ends… on a very stressed, overwhelmed, and sad note. If I start happy then it’ll end fairly optimistic!

I just need to figure out how to recreate this feeling every week… 

Eat Procrastination, Feed Passion (and DANCE)

I read a blog by Lawyer Working Girl Wednesday titled Passion and Procrastination. It was a post that I could relate to, and I’m sure many of my friend’s can relate to as well. There comes a time in our lives when we become so caught up in our work lives that we neglected to feed our passions. At the end of the day we just want to relax with our friends or do something that doesn’t require a lot of brainpower. I know I did this when I worked. Even now, I do this.

I want to do so many things, but it all becomes pushed to the side. Especially when I’m distracted by other easy-to-do time killers like Facebook, Twitter, text messaging, Plurk, or whatever else I can find online to fulfill my amusement. When I realize how much time I’ve wasted, I’m tired and ready for bed. So I'm going to set aside some time to work on these passions of mine and perhaps, one day, I'll share them with you.

Are there passions that you have set aside?

Speaking of one of my passions. My friend Gerran, from L.A., flew up to visit his family and friends. During his visit he will be teaching at various places around Portland, Oregon. Last night, he was scheduled to teach a one hour dance class at Groove Nation up in Vancouver, Washington, so he and I drove up there together. This allowed us some time to catch up and eat, as well as, for Gerran to decide which routine he wanted to teach the students.

We didn’t know what to think of Groove Nation Hip Hop Dance Studios. We had never heard of this studio before, but we were delighted to see so many kids excited to dance! It was a lot of good energy and these kids were so awesome! So here’s a clip of the dance class. Enjoy!

The song featured in this video is by Nacho Pen, a friend of Gerran’s. I’ve met her once and she is an amazing artist! Her album will be out next year. If you love it, friend her on Facebook! As well as see her videos that I took here and here when they had a performance for music industry investors at Roxy Theater. You’ll also see Gerran in the video dancing, as well as, two of my other friends!

Have a great weekend! :)

Humbleness and New Dreams

As a child, I loved to dance. It made me so happy to do something I loved. And ever since my first year at University of Oregon as a Dance Major, I’ve felt humbled whenever I enter a dance studio.

During my high school years, all I ever wanted to become was a professional dancer. I wanted to move to L.A. or Manhattan to follow my dreams and break into the entertainment industry. Mainly, I fantasized being in music videos, touring and dancing with famous singers (Janet Jackson or Madonna), or dancing on Broadway!

Dance was on my mind 24/7. I danced all the time. I would dance every chance I had free time. I danced in the hallways. I danced outside the dance room while waiting for my dance class to start. I danced at home. I danced at my dad’s workplace. I would even break into dance in retail stores and grocery stores.

If I was riding with my parents or traveling in a car for long periods of time, I would listen to my music and choreograph or go through dance routines in my head. I still do it to this day. 

There were two people who really inspired me in my pursuit of dance. First, my then amazing dance teacher Mary Matthews, second, a friend of my dance teacher, Duane George. He’s a choreographer and worked with Janet Jacket and Michael Jackson. He trained and studied with Debbie Allen and Alvin Ailey.  And to me, he was the most amazing person I met at age 14. He would visit our high school to hold workshops each year and teach 3 one and a half hour long jazz/hip hop dance. I would take all three of them.

My love of dancing throughout high school gave me a reason to dance harder and to reach for certain goals. I was determined to become a member of our high school Dance Team. I tried out my freshman year and I was so devastated when I didn’t make it. So I tried again my sophomore year and I got in! I was ecstatic! From then on I was determined to become one of the Captain of the Dance Team. I did just that.

What was next on my list? I wanted to dance my best and impress all of my peers with my choreography, so they would vote for me to become Best Dancer of the Year at the end of my senior year. By then I was dancing almost 8 hours a day. This was made possible because I earned enough high school credits to graduate, so I ended up taking more dance classes on top of Dance Team practices, as well as dance rehearsals.

Near the end of the year and before prom, it was time for my high school’s annual dance show that was performed two nights a year. On the second night, our last show and my last show, the Best Dancer of the Year was announced. Most of us seniors stood with anticipation. All the votes were tallied and finally…

My name was announced. It’s such a cliché, but I cried. I was so happy, so excited, and so nervous! I felt so high and it made me cry. I felt on top of the world.

And then college happened. I got into University of Oregon and I majored in Dance. It was a culture shock to say the least. I discovered that I couldn’t JUST take any level of Ballet classes. I couldn’t JUST take any level of Modern (Contemporary) dance classes. I felt I earned the right to be in a higher level of dance class, because I was damn good! Instead I had to go to audition for a placement into an appropriate level of  dance class! It was nerve wrecking. I couldn’t properly do barre work to save my dance life and I ended up placing in Ballet I, Jazz I, and Modern II. 

It made me feel so low. I felt as if I was a nobody and I started doubting myself. I wasn’t the best of the best anymore. I was knocked down to the bottom. I didn’t know if I wanted to become a dancer anymore. On top of which, my mother wasn’t very supportive of the idea. She was furiously adamant that I invest her tuition money in becoming a computer programmer/web designer, since during summer I had developed an obsession for HTML and VRML and just designed web sites for fun.

I ended up switching majors. It was the “rational” thing to do for my future. Who cared about my happiness. I didn't know what was best for me. Asian parents, I tell ya... 

After a year at U of O, I dropped out of school. I moved back home and held my first job and ended up taking random computer programming classes at the local community college. Computer programming never really suited me nor held my interest; so instead, I decided to hold two jobs. My goal? Save enough money and move the hell out of there!

One evening and hopped up on Mt. Dew, I was chatting online with a friend and made a definite decision to move. In less than a week I would move to Portland! I was determined. No ifs or buts about it! I love my parents, but I wasn't going to listen to them anymore! (Well, at least when it comes to career and lifestyle choices.)  I packed what I needed and left. It felt exhilarating. It made me feel alive since my senior year in high school. Unfortunately, this feeling didn’t last long. But that’s another story for another time.

What I’m trying to drive at via this post is this: even though I gave up my original dream, I never stopped dancing. After I dropped out of U of O, I joined Mary Matthew's dance company and found other opportunities to dance and perform. When I moved to Portland, I always found opportunities to dance, whether at various dance studios or at Portland Community College. And each time I returned to the dance studio, I’d feel humbled and less arrogant than my asshole teen self.

I’d walk into a studio and watch dancers of all levels, beginners, intermediate, advance, and felt in awe. I still feel in awe! They’re all so good regardless of their level! Their determination is inspiring. Because of other dancers, if I felt frustrated in figuring out a dance move, I’d try harder. I’d “visualize" the dance move a million times and do it until I got it right.

Nowadays, I look at my dancer friends who now live in L.A. and I think, Wow! They got it right! They’re pursuing their dreams and that’s awesome! I can pursue my teen dream if I pushed myself!

But it’s not what I want anymore.  I have new dreams to pursue. This time, I won’t act like an arrogant teenager, who I’d probably like to backhand. However, I do have a lifelong goal. It's simple: To dance for as long as I'm alive, because it makes me happy. 

And I feel that I have fulfilled my childhood dream, just not my teenage dream, and I am continually fulfilling that dream . . . because I am dancing.

Motivation Mondays

First off, I hope everyone had a great weekend. I surely did. My relatives were in town and I baked some yummy salmon, B.B.Q. ribs, and corn on a cob. As for this morning, I cooked eggs, bacon, and pancakes from scratch!

I find my motivation levels soar on Monday mornings and wanes off by Thursday morning. Isn’t it typical of people at work to have similar dissipation in motivation by near end of the work week? The only difference between normal employed people and me is I’m unemployed. So really, I shouldn't have to struggle with motivation, but I do.

I’ve decided to measure my motivation levels during these past weeks and “lean” (create efficiency and make improvements - for those of you who haven’t used this program in a corporate environment) my motivation. Here are my results:

Notice that I’m most motivated Mondays and Wednesdays. Plus, the pie chart is pretty.

So lets take a look at my weekly schedule.

There's a lot of dilly dallying. 

I could definitely become more productive on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I could always stop picking my nose on Thursdays. I wish I could hire a cheerleader who will continually cheer me on throughout the day and get me excited to do things. Anything!

The problem really derives from when I sleep in. Sleeping in makes me a lazy piece of shit. So my goal this week is to wake up at a consistent time in the mornings. Now, if I could only have a cheerleader as my alarm… 

Wailing is not Lazy

Late last night while on GTalk:

D: I like how you’re so diligent about writing a blog about how lazy you are

Me: I know. It’s such an oxymoron.

D: which could be the key to its success

I hope not. I’m not exactly sure where to go with this blog, but I don’t want to continually document my laziness. I don’t want to be responsible for influencing others to be lazy. But I do want to encourage bloggers and readers to play Guitar Hero.

That’s right. Guitar Hero.

This is what I imagine ninjas do when they play Guitar Hero.

After a long day of training and what not, I like to rock out in the privacy of my own home. I’ve recently discovered Guitar Hero (I know, I’m only a hundred years late), and I cannot believe how much fun it is! 

Into the wee hours of evening, I’ll slip into my sexified colorful spandex leggings, let down my hair and wrap a bandanna around my head (imagine Bret Michaels), and practice my totally kick ass Wailing-on-my-Guitar-with-a-Painful-Expression-While-Exuding-Coolness “look” in the mirror. And by “wailing” I mean furiously pressing the fun colorful buttons on the guitar neck.

Once I’m in proper attire, I’ll warm up to a little kicking. I’ll hold my guitar and kick a leg out like some 80s rocker. And if I want to put my back into it, I’ll get down with my back on the floor and slide across the room while wailing on my guitar. (Okay, not really, because I would get a bad rug burn, but I would…if I could.)

After 5 minutes of my warm up, I’ll start the game. I wonder if I’m the only one with this ritual or if there's a secret society of Guitar Hero heroists who trade tips and tricks on how to wail really rockin’ hard? If you're out there, please send me a secret message.

So no, this blog will not cover my ability to be lazy.

Happy wailing you Guitar Hero heroists! :)

The Lazy Daze

Tuesday was supposed to be productive. I had my mock script in my bag and laptop in tow, but I didn’t have an ounce of productivity going on. It. Must. Stop!

I’ve noticed whenever I visit JP, I have intentions of working on my projects but I tend to become sidetracked. Sidetracked with relaxing and enjoying my time with JP. Yet, at the end of the day I feel all sorts of guilt and physical tension for not working! How do I balance this out?

I could make myself feel better by saying that I read a lot of people’s blogs yesterday or the fact that I finally acquired Adobe Master Suite CS5 so I can start designing a website for my friend’s dance company. It’s a seriously small baby step of motivation, one that I don’t intend to replicate from here on out.

Especially since yesterday, after a friend of mine read my blog post he questioned, “Baby steps? What happened to leaps and bounds?”

I gave him a really stupid excuse, “Well, I’m not young anymore. I don’t want to overwhelm myself.”

L’s response to my lame reply was, “You’re young enough! Be reckless. If it fails, well, blame me.”

I don't know about reckless, but after bitch slapping myself (Fight Club style), I thought, “No, really?? I said that?? What an asinine response! No, I should make leaps and bounds! I should push myself to be the best that I can! I just need to stop making excuses and just do what I need to do to stop this lazy insanity! And if all else fails I WILL blame L.” No, not really, but it’s much easier to blame someone for my personal failures than myself. Ha! Why?!? Mom and Dad!? WHY??

Conclusion? I am more productive on days when I’m not with JP. I guess my agenda is to work as much as I can on days when I'm not with him, so I won't worry as much on days when I am with him. 

See? Isn't that easier?

The Gingham Dog and the Calico Cat

 Side by side on the table sat;
T’was half past twelve and what do you think!?
Nor one nor t’other had slept a wink!
The old Dutch clock and the Chinese plate
Appeared to know as sure as fate
There was going to be a terrible spat… 

And that’s all I remember from 3rd grade when our teacher had us remember “The Duel” and recite it in front of our classroom. It’s funny how we can remember part of poems or Madonna's songs from grade school, yet I can’t remember a mock script to save my life. Or at least, confidently recite it in front of people.

Lets just say, training isn’t all fun and games anymore and my processor in my noggin’ is about to overheat; the capacity of my brain is equivalent to that of a 256MB hard drive. That’s right, OLD SKOOL. Old Skool? My head is glitching already, since I seemed to have forgotten how to spell… SKOOL, or perhaps that’s the way cool people prefer to spell it nowadays.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to exchange our brains for a newer version? Transfer our memories into a new and improved brain with faster processing power (what? A 12-core? Not excessive at all!), 4 terabyte hard drive, with a ridiculous amount of RAM? My brain would be the talk of town. Instead of penis envy or breast envy, it would be brain envy. "My! Your brain is so huge! Such a turn on!" (Note to self: STAY AWAY FROM ZOMBIES!)

How about I exchange my tired old body as well. I’ll take the Supermodel 3000XI! Fully loaded to split, turn, leap, move faster than this old body, and kick ass; plus look like a Gucci model while kicking ass!

On a serious note, I do feel that my brain isn’t as youthful anymore. And it's true what they say: "If you don't use it, you lose it." I'm talking about your brain, of course.

A New Venture

Last week, my mom approached me with a business venture. She needs help in researching snack products from country ABC and have them exported to another country XYZ. I am not going to disclose which countries yet, but it sounds interesting. Apparently, products from ABC are becoming popular in XYZ, so it would be a great opportunity to pursue if this is the case.

The situation is that we would become the middleman (...err middlewoman) researchers and exporters. Kind of like a buyer for, oh, say Nordstrom. Only, it’s not fashion, it’s food. So far, I’ve only done some online research, but I feel as if I need to go out and physically look and taste these products from country ABC. Even though, that’s not what is requested from me. But isn’t it good business to try out the products first? Make sure they’ll sell?

Summing it all up:

So lets see… dance instructor training, dance company marketer, and exporter.

I make it seem as if I am being motivated and productive, but really… at the end of the day, I’m still not doing as much as I should be. All talk and no trousers. (Trousers?) For instance, I should be studying this mock script for my dance instructor training (which I’m supposed to have all of it memorized by yesterday?! Eek!), I could be finalizing a newsletter for my friend and his dance company, and I could be out looking for these products from country ABC to try?

Baby steps… baby steps... I have other ideas on the horizon as well, which I’ll discuss in my next post…

For now, ciao...

A New Chapter

Being a seasoned blogger, it seems appropriate to abandon a blog that hadn’t been updated for over a year and to start a newer blog to document my musings. It’s a new chapter, a new lifestyle, and a new blog. It’s almost akin to purchasing a pair of new Jimmy Choo shoes.

First off, I’d like to say that I’m unemployed. I’ve been unemployed since last November. November 20, 2009 to be exact. During these past nine months and fourteen days I’ve felt lost. At first, being laid off made me feel a bit of a loser. Why me? Why was I laid off? Didn’t my nine years with the company mean anything? It felt like a bad breakup and my husband (the company) wanted a divorce for a cheaper version of me. Sure I received a severance package drawn up by lawyers, however, that didn’t make me feel any better.

Of course, the proverbial, “It’s for the best!” or “It’s a fortunate positive!” was mentioned by many. Well, of course I should agree, but I couldn’t see it at the time. Or even now…

Sure, I had thought and thought and thought a lot about my next step. What I should do next. Surely this is the time to pursue a career that I would find pleasure in instead of drudging away day after day inside some measly, depressing, gray cubicle.

So it’s been nine months and fourteen days and none the brighter. I would be completely dishonest if I said that I have been looking for a job. So what have I been doing? I traveled to L.A. quite a bit. I was able to travel to O’ahu and Miami for the first time. Sometime in the mix, I met my current boyfriend, JP.

It hasn’t exactly been all fun and frills, though. JP and I have had our ups and downs, it goes with being in a relationship. I’ve only begun to become more motivated than I had been the past few months. Currently, I’ve been training to become a ballroom instructor; despite the training it isn’t a guaranteed position. As a side job and to boost motivation, I am helping a friend market his dance company. I haven’t exactly done a lot for him, except design some tickets for an upcoming event in November. I guess it’s kind of a start…

Why is it so hard to become motivated? But hey, at least I’m blogging again…