The Lazy Daze

Tuesday was supposed to be productive. I had my mock script in my bag and laptop in tow, but I didn’t have an ounce of productivity going on. It. Must. Stop!

I’ve noticed whenever I visit JP, I have intentions of working on my projects but I tend to become sidetracked. Sidetracked with relaxing and enjoying my time with JP. Yet, at the end of the day I feel all sorts of guilt and physical tension for not working! How do I balance this out?

I could make myself feel better by saying that I read a lot of people’s blogs yesterday or the fact that I finally acquired Adobe Master Suite CS5 so I can start designing a website for my friend’s dance company. It’s a seriously small baby step of motivation, one that I don’t intend to replicate from here on out.

Especially since yesterday, after a friend of mine read my blog post he questioned, “Baby steps? What happened to leaps and bounds?”

I gave him a really stupid excuse, “Well, I’m not young anymore. I don’t want to overwhelm myself.”

L’s response to my lame reply was, “You’re young enough! Be reckless. If it fails, well, blame me.”

I don't know about reckless, but after bitch slapping myself (Fight Club style), I thought, “No, really?? I said that?? What an asinine response! No, I should make leaps and bounds! I should push myself to be the best that I can! I just need to stop making excuses and just do what I need to do to stop this lazy insanity! And if all else fails I WILL blame L.” No, not really, but it’s much easier to blame someone for my personal failures than myself. Ha! Why?!? Mom and Dad!? WHY??

Conclusion? I am more productive on days when I’m not with JP. I guess my agenda is to work as much as I can on days when I'm not with him, so I won't worry as much on days when I am with him. 

See? Isn't that easier?

A New Chapter

Being a seasoned blogger, it seems appropriate to abandon a blog that hadn’t been updated for over a year and to start a newer blog to document my musings. It’s a new chapter, a new lifestyle, and a new blog. It’s almost akin to purchasing a pair of new Jimmy Choo shoes.

First off, I’d like to say that I’m unemployed. I’ve been unemployed since last November. November 20, 2009 to be exact. During these past nine months and fourteen days I’ve felt lost. At first, being laid off made me feel a bit of a loser. Why me? Why was I laid off? Didn’t my nine years with the company mean anything? It felt like a bad breakup and my husband (the company) wanted a divorce for a cheaper version of me. Sure I received a severance package drawn up by lawyers, however, that didn’t make me feel any better.

Of course, the proverbial, “It’s for the best!” or “It’s a fortunate positive!” was mentioned by many. Well, of course I should agree, but I couldn’t see it at the time. Or even now…

Sure, I had thought and thought and thought a lot about my next step. What I should do next. Surely this is the time to pursue a career that I would find pleasure in instead of drudging away day after day inside some measly, depressing, gray cubicle.

So it’s been nine months and fourteen days and none the brighter. I would be completely dishonest if I said that I have been looking for a job. So what have I been doing? I traveled to L.A. quite a bit. I was able to travel to O’ahu and Miami for the first time. Sometime in the mix, I met my current boyfriend, JP.

It hasn’t exactly been all fun and frills, though. JP and I have had our ups and downs, it goes with being in a relationship. I’ve only begun to become more motivated than I had been the past few months. Currently, I’ve been training to become a ballroom instructor; despite the training it isn’t a guaranteed position. As a side job and to boost motivation, I am helping a friend market his dance company. I haven’t exactly done a lot for him, except design some tickets for an upcoming event in November. I guess it’s kind of a start…

Why is it so hard to become motivated? But hey, at least I’m blogging again…